Skip to main content

Deadly Lonely

Numb
Dunno what to do
My heart is fine
No sad or beat up or nothing
But I'm so lonely

I called the one that I love
Ofc she is the first one that I think of
But surely its not the right time
Less then a minute and off

Called my mom
She instantly talking
Everything
I'm just listening
And off.. I started to sad and looking who I need to call

I am thinking if I stand up on the bridge
Jumping to the river, will He forgive me?
Ofc no...
If I am in hell, will it forever?
Hm... My heart is fine, no hurt or anything..
But cutting my vein in my hand seem interesting

One last call
To the tree of wisdom
She surprised, she said she is working with her colleague in her home
I just want to hear her voice i said
Less then a minute and off

So well... Dear blog
To you I share my burden again
With my  bear keep trying to stay around me
I just dont know if my med work on me

Its not a poem,
its only phrases divided to several blocks
Silly I am, wishing to make a poem
End up talking with a blog express my sloom

Fuck... I hate myself
I am so missing that sadness badly
I am missing that hurt so badly
This is what I called Deadly Lonely

V'z whfg ab bar.. <-- fuck with this sign as well

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Light Conversation

"Mi, I want this to be over...", I said. "What do you mean to be over?", she said "I want to die..." "Well, don't die here, just go to Palestine there", she said. I shocked and wandering.. "What do you think? Do you think I just go there and smack Israeli Soldier and wait till they shoot me?" "Well, at least you will have syahid over there...." Her answer.. I dunno why made me so useless... "But syahid mean we did jihad, has purpose and died when we fight for it. If we don't have any goal, just go over there and smack on Israeli's soldier, its just an act of stupidity, what is the different with I cut my hand here?" And the conversation continues on topic of Islamic martyr... "So.. I am not important for you?" She seem not ready with this question, and she answered, "well, your daughter needs you". "So you don't need me, only need my money?", she just laugh.

I am Sorry..

I cried.. not because I hurt.. But because I can feel your pain and hurt You are in pain because you broke up with him... But I am so in pain Tears drop down from my chin, heart shaking and loosing the will of everything. I cant share with anyone, because i have no one... But if there is anything I could do to heal you, but I have no idea too. I just only whisper to my Lord... Dear Lord... I am a man with full of sin... I am so low and been many times forgot about You. But I am humble kneel down on my knees... Begging... if You could take a way that pain... Dear my Lady, the one and only. I know i cant talk to you or make you any happy. But I will always be here beside you, to make you company. I know I am just no one, nothing and no exist, but will always be here for you in any shape you wanna be. All I can do now I am sorry... and I am hugging your shadow in my memory... And now... you told me you dont want me.. you want him to hug you, not me. And you also dont

Zero

So.... I need to start over everything from zero. Years passed and just realized I was running and running from the real toxic source. Now I need to face it... Trying to be tough when seeing her tears, be careless and try to stop sacrificing myself just advised by my doc.... But its hard.... so hard... especially when you heard your daughter laugh... Feeling guilty... Feeling to be a bad man... Feeling sad... I felt don't have heart.. Every bad things can be heard echoing in my mind...I am fighting with myself... I just want to sit on the top of the hill... silence and feel my peace...