My Voiceless Screaming

I've been told... many times "no woman strong enough to be with me" I reject it at that times But then the mistake is me Years I tried to catch a love Years I tasted it like a dope I thought Its not a myth Damn, I just dip into another shit I learnt my lesson well With the hurt and swell Crawling to be live on Hope not to end like a moron I know its a myth Why I insist to taste it

Years being together Hope will be last forever But this is only a dream At the end, you pushed to choose him Good bye the oath that has been taken It only words to be burden We chosen the way of impossible We learnt the lesson that we taken At the end, there is only me and my black dog Hope only for those who has light despite the long journey and the road full of rocks But dream always has end unfortunate We are smile yet hurt so much But I know who I am more then ever now No i am sorry i am not mad Wish you all the best and fortune anyhow What should i do now? Where should i go? I am walking through the road again with more ache and pain we love each other but doesn't mean we can be together.. *smile.... what a life :)

The sun so bright its light glowing to my face I am just about to wake up With knife stabed in my chest But somehow, I didnt suffer No blood from my wound like it used to be I just felt numb Take out the knife, I feel so empty Ohh I do love to talking But dunno to whom i can sharing I am tired to keep hurting I am bored to dying I am so lazy today to do anything I am so lazy just to breathing Strike come so early I know I never be ready Closing my eyes, expect the warmth from the wind Touching my face, ssh me to stop talking But now I am just another coward who afraid of changing Better to stay lonely and enjoy what happening This gonna be a long lonely day Oh well.. What can I say I have her and she always stay But my black dog is here, and put her away

A dense air Heavy to breath Became a target Became a punch bag The beast is about to rise I am just smiled and pleased I'm hurt not because hurted by her I'm hurt because the way he treated her I have nothing to lose I can let it out and let it be free But I'm not allow it Let me the one who hurt only My love to her is so pure, bold and deep And today, I let my beast to sleep

I just about to celebrate my free With you, enjoy the nature and world to see Please don't think about die dear Since I still need you to life and be happy No need to ask me to die together Since without you, I don't think I can survive either I could die alone, old and lonely Or die soon in miserably Please don't die and hang on there my lady You are my reason and keep stay here Please be patience my love I am hugging you with my fear I love you so much dear.. And now I have nothing to think except to fear Fear that you gonna make it Fear that I will be lonely and sick without you here...

My red and white now colored in black My blue sky now is black My blue mountain is black Black by the chaos and crack Every direction I saw is black My breath is black My heart is black Black by the scream out loud I just want to tear my chest a part I scream out loud so loud till no one can hear it wtf When the earth will stop shaking When the red will gone from the night When the rocks stay put I'm so hurt and so fucked up I am so black

Been so long I haven't fight I almost forgot how my beast get caught Lowering my guard, break me a part I am so weak now, don't have any gut I eat my pride, the last treasure I have Only hoping its worth then stay nothing and be fucked up Blood from my wounds start to flow back I am just too weak to stop them and let myself cracked Stamp of the foot on my mouth I am just so damn weak to just talk Maybe I'm just too old to face that back All I can do just keep in mind that its her dog who bite I see to the sky, wind goes by I see to the past, but can't say good bye I lookup for peace by keeping my daughter accompany But she dispel me, she just too comfort with her own only Well, maybe its true.. I'm just too old for this shit Its better keep my mouth shout and do what is necessary Now I just enjoy how silence this day to be while watching the blood all over my rusty body I'm soo tired and weak I'm just too old just the way it should be I just can only smile a...

Numb Dunno what to do My heart is fine No sad or beat up or nothing But I'm so lonely I called the one that I love Ofc she is the first one that I think of But surely its not the right time Less then a minute and off Called my mom She instantly talking Everything I'm just listening And off.. I started to sad and looking who I need to call I am thinking if I stand up on the bridge Jumping to the river, will He forgive me? Ofc no... If I am in hell, will it forever? Hm... My heart is fine, no hurt or anything.. But cutting my vein in my hand seem interesting One last call To the tree of wisdom She surprised, she said she is working with her colleague in her home I just want to hear her voice i said Less then a minute and off So well... Dear blog To you I share my burden again With my  bear keep trying to stay around me I just dont know if my med work on me Its not a poem, its only phrases divided to several blocks Silly I am, wishing to make a...

When I only talk to one And she just silence I felt drifted to space Flying without gravity Except that the empty is not the air The empty is here inside When you miss her so much And you can't do anything except wait An astray dog like me Can't expect more except mercy But don't get me wrong I am happy with this only Can you imagine when your wet fur touched by the hand of the beauty? Can you imagine when you are in hungry a beautiful one feed your hungry? Can you imagine when you re in cold, a beautiful one hug you tightly? I can't expect more... This already to good to be true I knew i am lonely I knew I am missing her daily But one thing I asked to the One and Only Please don't wake me up from this dream and make it reality V'z whfg ab bar..

Thought I am ready Talk to the world lovely It was an easy chat with my best friend But end up I cried worry at the end I dunno if its so hard to open again Only to hear his suggestion, it made me tremble Only to imagine talking to others, I'm shaking What happen to me?  I just don't know me anymore So, what next then? If simple words already hurt me Its not about prestige or dignity Its about me who is like a bundle of meat Easy to bleed Waiting for extinct What should I do then If I'm not ready to face the world? "99% business can be succeeded by facing the people", he said So, am I already fail? What will happen to me if everyone leave me? What will happen to me if I only a burden for everyone near me? At least now you or me understand, why I or other leave each others Its better to be alone then hurt each others So now dear my Dark Angel... If someday you have a better one Just leave me and I will be okay As long as you are happy...

I knew you are always around I can't touch yet can't talk But you do know I love her so much Does it really matter? When the wind blow pass through like lightning? Sure did really matter Since the kite wont fly without Dear Wind I am glad you still touching my cheek While I am still waiting for her The one that I love so much Indeed she hurt me Indeed her love is not it used to be But what can I say I love her so much A volcano sometime erupts An ocean has its tsunami A wind has its tornado A bee has its sting I do understand all And hope others understand me That I love my dark angel so much Just like my bear now who keep persistent to jump on my lap V'z whfg ab bar

Welcome back dear my old friend Been very long time I miss you so much I am very glad that you came Though I have emotion no more Though my heart was blunt Turn out I still can feel you The warmth from the blood that burst from my wound Yes I know my place And yes I know where I belong Yes I know I'm the one who sick And yes I know I'm the one who seek I am happy dear Come my sadness Make my face warm with the tears I hug you tight the hurt and fear Good bye the light on sun rise Good bye the light on sun set I knew from beginning Its just another dream, just like it used to be V'z whfg ab bar...

Dear God, the One and All Mighty My stomach so hurt But not the stomach that put me in agony The stomach that make my heart almost dying Dear God, the One and Only I know I am just no one and lot of sins Please allow me to just to be lonely and take away this feeling Dear God, the King of all kings Let my dark angel be happy With whatever path she wanna be Please take care of her and don't let her sorry Dear God, the Only One that I Worship I am begging you to make me stop loving her So I don't need to be worry of anything will happen to her And not to be jealous for anyone who is with her And for my devil I know I have made her upset Please let her finish any obstacles a head And hope Your blessing always with her V'z whfg ab bar...

My stomach in pain I dunno why it made my heart pain more Stiff on my back I dunno why it made my heart pain more The silence of both I dunno why it added to my pain I did mistakes I dunno who i am Afraid to write Afraid to do anything The Friday is end I am so sad I'm still living V'z whfg ab bar...

A beautiful flower asked for protection from a defected ant An ant that has half of his head and ugly as fuck The ant like having a dream Ofc it welcomes the flower inside its home But it realize who is it anyway Compete with beautiful bee and butterfly that can fly? How come a defected weirdo ant like it can protect the flower Against those perfect bee and butterfly who want the flower? Let alone to protect the flower The ant itself hard to take care its own The defected ant thought can be safe under the flower's thorn But how come it can protect the flower from the threat while its just a clown? Love for the ant is like a dream For having someone beside him is just a myth it seem The ant tried to explain to the flower and the flower just push it to the corner The ant knows where its belong Its just a matter of time the flower will say good bye and so long An ant that has half of his head and ugly as fuck Wanting to has someone beauty like others jus...

I had a house with the angel who saved me She has another, burnt the house to the ground and i almost lost everything I survived, but years with humiliation I then have a new house again with another angel who saved me She has another one but don't want to let me go. She burnt the house, and I am in a big debt and felt in very filthy community I survived, with broken helmet, my jaw miss located, saved several times by those who care when I am bout to jump to the valley I then have a new house, the most shiny then any other house I did a mistake, she left me for other I survived, with hand got cut... I then have a same house, still shiny and i love her still She left me again, for the same person i survive, with bruise and blue in my hand Then now, I have a same house, still shiny and i love her still, but got the rule inside, its possible she left me if he ask for her. Also its possible to to have her thirsty filled by other if I can't give it to her. All not ...

After I think about it, maybe I am I'm not man of steel Strong is not my power Super sensitive it is With this super power I help many ppl Some of them know me Some are not Just like other super heroes They have their own villains Me too, I got it I have a beast and all the time fight it What about my weakness? I think love it is like a krypton Those all the facts If I'm not being used, I will be tortured and live like a suck And I am also like them I can't afford someone too close If not, my enemy will see it And they will hurt it Now I can understand who I am May be I am one of those super heroes Helping ppl around and broad But also always lonely on the road But maybe I'm just a toxic man, where any creatures touched by me became suffer I m just one of the villains Who tried hard to kill love inside But its too beautiful to be killed and made me suffer all the time V'z whfg ab bar...

Taken a long journey Bouncing around Hours to hold on For a simple hug And wake up from my dream Back to reality Struggling hard to remember good memory The warmth of that simple hug is one of the reason to keep me survive Believe me.. its not that easy When you think over it, it just drive me crazy I want you to keep lay on my chest I want your hand feel the beat of my heart Back to reality Those simple things help me to survive For others its just a hug For me, its a hug that worth to fight for, it is the hug of life Back to reality... I can feel the wound start to bleeding again.. My energy drained out I just want to close my eyes and hope can meet you in my dream Just a simple hug... I don't ask for more... I am begging God... Give me once more.. V'z whfg ab bar...

Finally my body can't handle it I am break down and so weak My failure keep haunted me I have failed to protect the precious for me Lie after lie, I can bear with it But when I heard you cried, It hurts me Your cry keep lingering in my mind I wish I could make it in time I hate myself then ever Lucky that I have no power I know its your choice We can turn back the time no more On my bed felt my fever I kept thinking what I have done to you Is this your punishment dear? After all the things I did to you? I am sorry for things I have done Till I deserve this kind of punishment The pain is unbearable Can only smile and hope it will be over No I wont give up I will keep my promise I wont stop breathing I still can help you after life I can only lay on my bed now And can only smile I put my trust to the hope now And those who still want me alive Soon I will meet my devil To make sure its real Soon I will meet my Maker To do my final deal V'z w...

Your kids are not real Your wife are not real All seem so far away and I can't be heal The only real thing you can feel is the loneliness that you can't deal The feeling that you just want to give up Expecting a real hug that you will never have The loneliness that torture you rise up Keep finding the reason to stay alive Less people want to bear it At the end you felt that you need to face it alone I got bipolar and I accept it Hitting the wall just to make me not down Who can understand how painful it is The feeling that crush your will of live No wonder everyone at the end leave Hard to understand for me why they insist to make me alive Years ago I can make it to stay alive When I am about to stop my breath Now I felt more easy to do so But I tried my best to hold your words You said you do care fore me So, Im staying alive to make your care important for me Will it be enough to make me survive? The hurt still there, but for now I think its enough V'z whfg ab bar...