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Lelah

Ketika lidah kembali berbicara tajam, ketika mata selalu ingin tertutup, ketika badan berat untuk diangkat, ketika malas sangat melanda, ketika nafas berasa berat, ketika gairah tidak ada, ketika bicarapun tak lagi ingin, ketika hanya ingin terdiam dan merasa lelah...

Aku tersadar... dia kembali menguasai diriku... pertahanan med sepertinya hancur berantakan, dan aku harus coba self management yang baik. Jangan ada lagi hati yang terluka, jangan ada lagi korban yang jatuh, jangan terjadi lagi yang terkasihi pergi, jangan adalagi luka tergores, kucoba kunci terakhir yang kudapat... pasrah...

Tarikan nafas panjang, kupaksa otak ku kembali berjalan... Aku punya Dia yang Maha Kuasa, aku punya dark angel yang sangat kucintai, dan banyak orang yang mungkin peduli. Berhenti lari, harus segera diselesaikan dan dilewati.

Dada berdenyut sakit, tapi aku yakin akan bisa terlewati. Hanya perlu bersabar sedikit saja... hanya sedikit saja... Ayok kaki, melangkah pelan... sedikit saja.. paling tidak jari menari di keyboar atau cukup ucap kata untuk cairkan dingin yang mulai merayapi hati... ayok melangkahlah... lihat senyumnya, bibirnya, matanya, harapannya dari dia yang mencintai mu. Ayok bergerak.. hangatkan hatimu... Jangan! jangan pikir kamu tidak berguna ketika kamu teringat dia mulai melukai bibirnya, nah, terima kenyataan.. kamu dan dia memiliki anjing masing2x tapi bukan berarti anjing itu harus menguasaimu.. senyum... nah gitu... gitu lebih baik...

Hufh... sebuah pertarungan yang berat baru saja dilalui... dan aku merasa lelah...

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