Understand Us

I have a spare time and need to keep me busy, so I wrote this. I am not good English speaker so apologize for the grammar.

See Us as a Person

We can't just introduce to everyone with, "Hi, I'm bipolar", no we can't do that. No matter how frequently you remind us that it’s okay not to be okay, stigma will always be there. See us as a person first who has bipolar.

We Are Not Using Bipolar as an Excuse

You are wrong if you think that if I can't do this and that or if you direct us something that I can't do, I use bipolar as an excuse. What I felt with pain and hurt is real just the way it is. Its serious threat and sometime I do so close to cut my veins or just give up on my motorcycle to let it go.

Just a side note, a dangerous thing for bipolar motorist is that when we having our manic, we could ride our vehicle as fast as we could because we are so confident and happy. And for those who has "rapid swing" like me, it’s a matter of second to get depression and just want to give up and let it go. You can imagine how disaster a vehicle runs in high velocity without our hand on it.

It’s important too if you do care to us to get educated on what to say or what not to say when we are on our crush or low. Sometime when I am in my depression mode, everything you said are wrong and can lead me to more disaster. I do need friend and help when I am in crush.

The following is good resource on what things never say to us when we are falling: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3iWn3Pd2GJA

Try to Understand Our Pain is Real

When I said I'm so in pain or hurt, it’s not a metaphor. The pain is real and I can feel the blood burst from our wound inside. Sometime my body just shaking and my hands clenched just to hold the pain. In some cases, I also got real blood coming out from my gum because the molars bite too hard to hold my pain.

When We Push You Away, It’s Mostly We Need You Most

It’s very true. In my suffering, I don't want to hurt or became a burden for someone we care and I mostly reject them. And don't get surprise if what I said is really nasty and cruel. I don't mean that... Just be gentle and kind, as soon as you show how warmth your hug is, I will just burst in tears and surrender. I don’t know how to say it lol.

Sometime We Just Need Pleasant Company

When I am falling into pieces and trying my best to stand up again, sometime what we need is not an advise, judgment or solution. No offense but I sometime just need a pleasant company to help me walk through the phase.

Bipolar is 24/7 Fight to Stay Well

Yes you heard it right. I experienced for having depressing mode in many times. I did my best to stay well just after I opened my eyes till I slept. Sometime, when I am sleeping, I just wake up and having those phase... Well that's what I felt. Maybe others not as bad as mine. But believe me, I tried my best and as hard as I can to stay well.

Isolation

Sometime when we are suffer, we just don't want to answer your message or anything. But keep in mind, it doesn't mean we mad of you. But we just don't want to bother you. When we finally replied, sometime we afraid that you will angry to us. Bit complicated but that's how our confusion is.

And please don't judge me that I have bad feeling or anything with you when I isolate myself. It’s hard for me to socialize too especially when I am having the sky falling and we felt crawling beneath the earth. Just be patience with me...

Hard to Make Decision

It is part of our "culture". I need your help to kindly direct me which decision is best in front of my options. In our manic, we mostly taken wrong decision.

Bad Memory

This is part of our DNA too. I having this problem too now. Some time I just forgot people's name which is important for me. And sometime a special moment for you when having together with me.

Lost Energy

Some time I just don't have energy to wake up from my bed. My energy completely went to no where. I could stay in bed for days.. or I could pull my ass to sit down in front of my laptop but can't do anything.

Get Educated

If you do care to us, please get educated about bipolar. It’s hard to explain live when having the opposite polar in extreme mode. I am 41 years old, even for me still need to learn about it. Just check simple videos from YouTube that won’t take your time too much or maybe from some testimonies out there.

I am So Grateful To Have You

Keep in mind that we do really thankful and grateful to have you. Having this kind of live is very lonely. And it's hard for me to survive without "support system". Taking a med only without good support system will likely hard to do. It’s not about being independent or being addicted. But that's who we are. You don’t know how many times you saved my life, and I do really sorry for any harsh words and lash out that I gave to you. So, thank you. I love you and I need you.



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